[Though he sees that second comment, Lyney struggles with what to reply with before foregoing a response at all. He already feels awful for being so cowardly and not telling Heizou sooner. He's wondering if perhaps he should have confided in Heizou first, before everyone else, but... he just couldn't do it. He was so scared of Heizou's reaction...]
[He gets to the cafe well ahead of schedule, but though he orders himself a cup of tea to soothe his nerves, it's hardly touched in the time he sits there waiting. In fact, he spends most of it with his hands folded before his chin, steadying his anxious breathing and trying to muster his courage.]
[When Heizou arrives, he looks visibly tired. Like he's been up all night, or just didn't sleep well. He does quietly slide into the seat opposite Lyney, looking between him and the untouched cup of tea in front of him. The smile he puts on isn't all there, and after all the time they've spent together the magician can probably tell.]
This is a nice place. [His voice is carefully neutral, only the slightest hint of his usual light tone.] What kind of tea did you order?
Ah, one of the house specials. It's quite a good blend, if you're interested.
[Nevermind the fact the cup looks barely touched. But Lyney is sharp enough that he can tell the obvious signs of unwell in Heizou's appearance. He looks tired, he's quiet, his smile doesn't reach his eyes. Alarm bells are already going off in his head.]
[For want of something to do with his hands, if nothing else. Some other thing he can focus on over the course of the conversation they're about to have.
He meets Lyney's gaze coolly; he knows the other can tell that something's off. Part of Heizou wishes that he could mask this inner turmoil he's feeling better, but after how close he and Lyney have gotten over the last several months, he's not sure he could no matter how hard he tried.]
Just tired, is all. I didn't sleep very well last night. [They're not lies, but Heizou still feels weird about the way he says them.] Don't worry, I'm all right. Tell me what's going on.
[The problem with living with wearing masks is that you’re good at telling when others don them. Alas, even the best-worn masks will be visible to those who know a person well. As it stands, Heizou can probably no doubt tell how off Lyney is as well.]
[The tea comes, and Heizou has some time to mix it to his liking before Lyney speaks up. He takes a slow breath before beginning.]
There’s just… something I feel I should bring up with you. It’s no fault of yours, before you ask; rather… it’s something I feel you should know. Something I… haven’t been forthcoming with.
[It doesn't go unnoticed. Lyney's tiny little fidgets, the untouched tea, the way he keeps drawing in deep breaths as though to calm himself... Heizou sees all of it. He even already knows the reason for it, and honestly that probably just makes the air around them all the heavier. None of their usual playfulness, the casual touches and bright smiles... Nothing. Just a tense smile on one and tight shoulders on the other.
Heizou's eyes are on Lyney even as he continues to stir his tea, gaze analytical and sharp.]
[Lyney pauses, looking over Heizou with his own analytical gaze. He seems... expectant. Lyney isn't sure he likes that. It doesn't help the warning bells in his head. But he can't exactly stop now.]
[So, he clasps his hands before him, trying to create some artificial distance between the two.]
You know well that Freminet, Lynette and I all grew up in the same orphanage. But... I haven't specified which orphanage. [He pauses, gaze flicking down almost in shame before looking back up at Heizou.]
The orphanage we grew up in... was the House of the Hearth. And... we're all members of it.
[Heizou goes quiet for a long moment, still watching Lyney with that same cool stare, still stirring his tea as if a bomb didn't just get dropped on him.
It's strange, really. When he'd spoken with Freminet, it was hard to pinpoint what exactly he'd felt. The admission had made all sorts of emotions swirl around inside of him, and he'd spent every waking moment since then just trying to sort it all out in his head. He'd thought that maybe hearing it directly from Lyney would help him clarify some of the more confusing feelings, but... it just feels even more surreal.]
[The silence between them is deadening. Usually they're able to bounce off each other easily, with banter or casual discussion, and even if there's silence, it's comfortable and companionable. But this time it feels heavy, weighted with the words Lyney said. He watches Heizou, who in turn watches him... it's like an awful stand-off between two duellists.]
[He perks up a bit at Heizou's question, briefly surprised by it.]
...Eight. We were eight years old when Father took Lynette and I in. Freminet was taken in a few months before us.
[He nods slowly at that answer, letting it click into place. Training children in an orphanage for the Fatui. Start them up young enough to not know much better, draw them in when they have no other place to go. It's smart. It's awful. It makes Heizou's chest feel tight.
He has to mentally shake it off. He can't think about that right now. He has questions that didn't feel right asking Freminet (especially over texts) and Lyney has the answers that he wants. So that's what he focuses on instead.]
I assume this Father rescued you from a terrible situation, yes? And that's why you're so loyal, among other things. What exactly do you do for the House? Do you ever operate outside of Fontaine?
[Lyney might get the distinct impression that Heizou is interrogating him-- and that's because he is. The situation has him going full detective-mode, the Cyclone of Inazuma all over again.]
[Lyney knows that Heizou has been curious about details of Lyney's life, but aside from a couple probing questions he kept away from prying. This feels different. This feels like an interrogation, and instinctually it makes Lyney's hackles raise. But he forces himself to keep calm and not get defensive; he's the one who's blindsiding Heizou, not the other way around.]
[Still, at that first question, Lyney's gaze drops, and briefly he looks not at the table, but through it, remembering that fateful night. His mad rush through the streets of Fontaine. Father's silhouette in the moonlight, covered in blood and surrounded by bodies. Being offered a new life, safety, and security.]
...yes. She did.
[It's... all he can really say, without diving too deep into it. But Heizou doesn't seem focused on that detail, rather diving right into what he does for the Fatui, what sort of organization he's a part of. Something within him crumbles at that knowledge.]
The House of the Hearth specializes primarily in intelligence gathering. There are a couple other orphanages around Teyvat, but we mostly work within Fontaine. Unless another member is being transferred to another branch, we usually keep to our own.
[He pauses, before looking back up at Heizou. There's a sorrow in his gaze, but also something pleading.]
Heizou, you know I wouldn't intentionally hurt you, and I promised not to lie to you. The only reason we chose to hide our true origins was because we know what kind of reputation the Fatui has, and we know how people perceive its members. We just... didn't want any misconceptions about who we were...
[Heizou sees that emotion in the other's eyes, and he knows - because he knows Lyney so well now, despite this - that it's genuine. But he doesn't trust himself to respond to that with emotion at the moment, instead shaking his head a little and looking down at his own untouched tea. His feelings still feel too complicated, too jumbled up as they roil around in his gut.]
...I asked what you do for the House. You specifically.
[Finally his expression slips, from cold and neutral to the very slightest of thoughtful frowns. He can at least guess that Lyney's work has never taken him to Inazuma. It's unlikely, then, that he had anything to do with the distribution of Delusions to unsuspecting rebel soldiers. At least there's that.]
I assume your affinity for magic tricks and performance art helps keep the public's attention on you in the spotlight and not on the House's dealings in the shadows. Is that your only role? Or do you get sent on missions in the dark, as well?
[The sharp question makes Lyney jolt a bit, because... it's not a tone he's used to hearing from Heizou. The last time he used such a cold, accusatory tone with him was when they were on Norhpip, when Lyney was ready and willing to shoot him. He briefly pauses, before looking back down in an almost guilty fashion.]
I... yes. Lynette and I have used our tricks to misdirect others while on missions before. Sometimes I'm the one distracting the crowd while Lynette or Freminet work in the background. Other times, we do our own infiltration work ourselves. And... I also help Father keep track of the other House members, and make sure everyone is taken care of in the House. As well as make sure there's enough supplies, and that no one is overworked...
[He trails, frowning sadly. He tries to meet Heizou's eyes.]
Heizou, I'm sorry... I promise, I didn't mean to hurt you, and it wasn't my intention to misdirect or manipulate you. This... none of this changes how I feel about us... about you...
[The apologies seem to go right through him. Heizou is so much more focused on sorting all of this out in his mind, figuring out what it means for him because he'd felt so strongly about Lyney. But now that's also in contention with how he feels about the Fatui - and somehow he can't even remember what or how he should feel about them. Because even after every report he'd ever read, every tale from the weary traveler - stories from the Traveler themselves - he still looks at Lyney and sees a man that loves his family.
When Lyney does manage to catch Heizou's gaze it's still distant. But there's also a haze of confusion and hurt in there that he's just doing his damnedest not to acknowledge.]
Do you really think of them all as your family? Not just you and Lynette and Freminet, but the other children? Father? Or is that just something you say to garner sympathy?
[When Heizou blatantly ignores him, that's something that hurts, but something he also expects. But when he starts insinuating he doesn't consider the House as real family, that he's using them, there's no hiding the blatant surprise and hurt that flashes across his face. He knows he's the one with the revelations that will shock people, and he knows that people will be angry with him. But to insinuate that he's using his family?? Once the shock fades, it's replaced with a barely-contained fury.]
...how dare you even think that.
[He hisses the answer out, hurt and anger in his voice.]
How dare you even pretend to think that! Of course I consider them my family! You think that just because I'm a Fatuus, that means that I don't care about the other children in the House? That none of us care for each other? That we don't know each other's likes and dislikes, that we don't know each other's hopes and fears, or that we don't mourn each other when one of us dies?? After all we've been through, I wouldn't even dream of using my family as if they're nothing more than bargaining chips! We're the only family we all have!!
[That sudden sharp tone seems to jog something loose for Heizou, and the tightness in his chest increases. Not that it shows outwardly, his expression falling back into cold and neutral and carefully schooled to not show how painfully his gut is twisting with every word. He doesn't even know why he said that. He knows how deeply Lyney loves his family. But his heart hurts, and maybe he wanted Lyney to feel that too, even if just for a moment.
Heizou's eyes fall back to his tea, taking in a deep breath because he suddenly feels like he can't breathe.]
I don't know what to think, Lyney. You promised not to lie to me, and I trusted you. You had your secrets to keep, and I respected that. But I'd at least hoped that when you one day decided to come clean about them, that I'd be the first one you told.
[It hurts. It hurts, but he carefully keeps his voice even. It hurts, but maybe he only has himself to blame for being open and vulnerable with someone.]
[Though the first words were so insulting, lit a fire within Lyney, it's Heizou's next words that has that fire petering out, turning to ash in his heart. So he's heard... He's heard. He wonders who's the one who broke the news to Heizou before he did... but he figures it doesn't really matter right now. Crestfallen, his gaze drops.]
I... was scared.
[He rubs the side of his neck and looks away.]
I know I should have told you first. I should have gone to you directly, even before Father arrived here. But I... I was so scared. I was scared of what you'd think, about what it would do to us. I was a coward, I'll admit that. I just didn't...
[He hesitates briefly, but shakes his head and continues.]
[Seeing Lyney like that... It makes Heizou crack a little, too. Even though he wants to keep this distance between his emotions and his curiosity, to keep falling back to the role of detective interrogating a suspect, his heart aches. He'd always thought that was just a figure of speech out of a cheap romance novel, but now he's finding that that's exactly what it feels like.
His fingers curl into his palms, just for want of something to hold onto. To ground him.]
...I'd kind of figured it out, you know. Both you and your brother are trained fighters- hardly skills a regular orphanage would be teaching to a magician and a diver. You never mentioned your orphanage by name, which meant it had to be connected to an organization. One big enough for someone even outside of Fontaine to know about. There could only be so many reasons why you'd insist on keeping something a secret. And your careful, rare mentions of Father... Your scars, the injuries you returned with...
[Heizou frowns, shaking his head as he forces his hands to open back up before his fingers can cramp.]
I had it narrowed down to one of two possibilities. At which point I figured I'd just keep waiting. Until you trusted me enough, or felt safe enough, or-- something.
[He pauses for a second, staring at his hands with a sad frown. And when he speaks, his voice is soft. A little scared. Hurting.]
...If the Knave had never shown up here, would you have ever told me?
[Lyney actually looks surprised by this fact. That Heizou had been able to piece things together the way he has. Then gain, as he explains his deductions, Lyney has to hand it to Heizou; he's definitely good at what he does. In fact, a part of Lyney feels a sense of pride in seeing Heizou's brilliant mind working as it has been. But it does little to taper the guilt or the feeling of sadness within him.]
[Then Heizou asks the question he had been dreading. It's the same one Alhaitham had asked, but coming from Heizou, it makes his throat tighten.]
I...
[He pauses, looking away. Guilt and shame riddle his expression.]
I wanted to. Believe me, I truly did. I just... wasn't sure how to do so. How I could in a way that wouldn't make you hate me. I had been wracking my brain how to tell everyone in a way that wouldn't be so damning, and wouldn't cause harm to Freminet. I just... hadn't figured out a way before Father arrived...
[The excuse sounds weak even to his own ears. But hopefully Heizou will hear the truth in them.]
[It feels like he can't breathe again. Maybe it was stupid of him to hope that Lyney's answer was going to be immediate. A simple "yes" or "of course I would have" would have eased his mind and his heart. But the guilt and shame on Lyney's face says so much, even before he starts to explain himself, and Heizou feels like his heart literally just dropped into his stomach like a lead weight.
Of course. Lyney loves his family. They will always come first. There's no room there for Heizou. He's probably hardly even a thought.
Everything in him feels so cold. He doesn't even have the presence of mind to keep his face from revealing how hurt he feels.]
...I see.
[His gaze drops back to his tea, that far off look in his eyes again. After a moment he lets out something that's a bit like a laugh, though the sound is hollow.]
Of course.
[Stupid Heizou. You fell for it again.]
One more question, if I may. When you approached me that night, on the island of dragons... Was there a reason? Did you already know who I was?
[That hollow tone is like a knife right to his heart. The empty laugh is the twisting of the blade. And that question is the gut-wrenching feeling of the blade slicing through the rest of his heart. Lyney looks up at Heizou, unable to hide the helplessness from creeping into his own crushed expression. He wants to feel offended by the question, but given everything... it's honestly what he deserves.]
...no, I didn't know who you were. I just... saw your Vision, and your outfit, and... the way you were looking at the crowd. It drew my curiosity. And then when we got to talking, I... I was just drawn to you.
[It sounds so pathetic now... but it's the truth. Lyney looks down at his own tea, unable to stop the feeling of bile rising in his throat.]
I swear, everything I felt for you... that was real, I promise.
[Heizou's fingers curl into his palms again. Then flex back out. He watches them do this as if those hands don't even belong to him, more focused on Lyney's words. It's some small relief to know that Lyney had never had any other motive to stay by his side.
But the use of past tense doesn't escape Heizou's notice. How could it?
And what had Lyney felt for him anyway? Surely it can't be the same thing Heizou did...
He has to fight the urge to bite down on his lip and chew on it until it bleeds. Just so that he can feel something that isn't quite so... mind numbing.]
...I- I think I need some time to process this. All of this.
[The use of past tense may not even be a fully conscious decision initially, but now that he's said it... well, it's not like he's expecting to be forgiven for all this. Given how distant and cold and, quite frankly, broken Heizou has become, it's clear to Lyney that even if he ever thought that Heizou might eventually harbour feelings for him, this revelation will have killed them off. Whatever was budding between them is probably dead and gone, crushed under the weight of his own mistakes.]
[Lyney nods slowly, taking a slow breath.]
...I understand. Please, take as long as you need.
[He figures there's nothing else for him to say. After a moment's hesitation, he slowly stands up, mechanically placing enough coin on the table to pay for both their drinks, plus extra. He adjusts his hat, but doesn't leave immediately, lingering for a moment before looking at Heizou.]
...For what it's worth, I promise that while you're deciding... neither of us will bother you, or bring any harm to you. And no matter what it is you decide... we'll accept your decision.
[As soon as Lyney stands, Heizou feels like he's being crushed. His eyes flit to stare at the other teacup on the table, at the money that gets left next to it, not quite feeling ready to look up at Lyney himself. If he's honest with himself, he's kind of scared of what he'll find if he does. But he already misses the sense of security he's gotten so used to feeling in Lyney's presence. The warmth of the magician's gaze on him. The radiant smile that's always been there to greet him.
This feels a bit like they're never going to see each other again. It makes the entire world just fall right out from under Heizou's feet. He's falling into an empty abyss, and there's nothing he can grab onto.
He's aching to try to reach out for Lyney's hand. Implore him to stay while he figures himself out. It's so tempting. But he's frozen, hurt and weary and weighed down by the content of this entire conversation. It takes everything in him just to nod in acknowledgement, in understanding of what Lyney says by way of goodbye.]
[Just as Heizou feels crushed, Lyney feels torn apart. Torn between his loyalty to his family and his desire to be true to Heizou, and the idea that there's a very good chance those two worlds will never harmonize with one another. That no matter what he feels for Heizou, his status as a Fatuus will forever tarnish any chance he may have at something more. And while he wants to be mad at that reality... how could he ever deny his love for his family? Both his family and his feelings for Heizou exist within his heart, and right now it feels like the two halves are breaking apart.]
[He takes a shaky breath, and tries to speak through the waver in his voice.]
...I'm sorry for not telling you sooner.
[He hates how final that feels. But what more can he say? How else could he ever salvage this? The back of his throat burns and his eyes water, but he forced himself to look ahead, keep it together as he finally walks away.]
[He can fall apart and let the mask crumble when he finally gets home.]
![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
book2thehead
no subject
Date: 26 Jul 2024 22:46 (UTC)[Though he sees that second comment, Lyney struggles with what to reply with before foregoing a response at all. He already feels awful for being so cowardly and not telling Heizou sooner. He's wondering if perhaps he should have confided in Heizou first, before everyone else, but... he just couldn't do it. He was so scared of Heizou's reaction...]
[He gets to the cafe well ahead of schedule, but though he orders himself a cup of tea to soothe his nerves, it's hardly touched in the time he sits there waiting. In fact, he spends most of it with his hands folded before his chin, steadying his anxious breathing and trying to muster his courage.]
no subject
Date: 27 Jul 2024 04:52 (UTC)This is a nice place. [His voice is carefully neutral, only the slightest hint of his usual light tone.] What kind of tea did you order?
no subject
Date: 27 Jul 2024 19:06 (UTC)[Nevermind the fact the cup looks barely touched. But Lyney is sharp enough that he can tell the obvious signs of unwell in Heizou's appearance. He looks tired, he's quiet, his smile doesn't reach his eyes. Alarm bells are already going off in his head.]
Before we begin, may I ask if things are alright?
no subject
Date: 28 Jul 2024 02:53 (UTC)[For want of something to do with his hands, if nothing else. Some other thing he can focus on over the course of the conversation they're about to have.
He meets Lyney's gaze coolly; he knows the other can tell that something's off. Part of Heizou wishes that he could mask this inner turmoil he's feeling better, but after how close he and Lyney have gotten over the last several months, he's not sure he could no matter how hard he tried.]
Just tired, is all. I didn't sleep very well last night. [They're not lies, but Heizou still feels weird about the way he says them.] Don't worry, I'm all right. Tell me what's going on.
no subject
Date: 29 Jul 2024 01:30 (UTC)[The tea comes, and Heizou has some time to mix it to his liking before Lyney speaks up. He takes a slow breath before beginning.]
There’s just… something I feel I should bring up with you. It’s no fault of yours, before you ask; rather… it’s something I feel you should know. Something I… haven’t been forthcoming with.
no subject
Date: 29 Jul 2024 03:13 (UTC)Heizou's eyes are on Lyney even as he continues to stir his tea, gaze analytical and sharp.]
All right. What is it?
no subject
Date: 29 Jul 2024 22:41 (UTC)[So, he clasps his hands before him, trying to create some artificial distance between the two.]
You know well that Freminet, Lynette and I all grew up in the same orphanage. But... I haven't specified which orphanage. [He pauses, gaze flicking down almost in shame before looking back up at Heizou.]
The orphanage we grew up in... was the House of the Hearth. And... we're all members of it.
no subject
Date: 29 Jul 2024 23:44 (UTC)It's strange, really. When he'd spoken with Freminet, it was hard to pinpoint what exactly he'd felt. The admission had made all sorts of emotions swirl around inside of him, and he'd spent every waking moment since then just trying to sort it all out in his head. He'd thought that maybe hearing it directly from Lyney would help him clarify some of the more confusing feelings, but... it just feels even more surreal.]
...How old were you?
no subject
Date: 30 Jul 2024 00:30 (UTC)[He perks up a bit at Heizou's question, briefly surprised by it.]
...Eight. We were eight years old when Father took Lynette and I in. Freminet was taken in a few months before us.
no subject
Date: 30 Jul 2024 01:00 (UTC)He has to mentally shake it off. He can't think about that right now. He has questions that didn't feel right asking Freminet (especially over texts) and Lyney has the answers that he wants. So that's what he focuses on instead.]
I assume this Father rescued you from a terrible situation, yes? And that's why you're so loyal, among other things. What exactly do you do for the House? Do you ever operate outside of Fontaine?
[Lyney might get the distinct impression that Heizou is interrogating him-- and that's because he is. The situation has him going full detective-mode, the Cyclone of Inazuma all over again.]
no subject
Date: 30 Jul 2024 01:18 (UTC)[Still, at that first question, Lyney's gaze drops, and briefly he looks not at the table, but through it, remembering that fateful night. His mad rush through the streets of Fontaine. Father's silhouette in the moonlight, covered in blood and surrounded by bodies. Being offered a new life, safety, and security.]
...yes. She did.
[It's... all he can really say, without diving too deep into it. But Heizou doesn't seem focused on that detail, rather diving right into what he does for the Fatui, what sort of organization he's a part of. Something within him crumbles at that knowledge.]
The House of the Hearth specializes primarily in intelligence gathering. There are a couple other orphanages around Teyvat, but we mostly work within Fontaine. Unless another member is being transferred to another branch, we usually keep to our own.
[He pauses, before looking back up at Heizou. There's a sorrow in his gaze, but also something pleading.]
Heizou, you know I wouldn't intentionally hurt you, and I promised not to lie to you. The only reason we chose to hide our true origins was because we know what kind of reputation the Fatui has, and we know how people perceive its members. We just... didn't want any misconceptions about who we were...
no subject
Date: 30 Jul 2024 01:48 (UTC)...I asked what you do for the House. You specifically.
[Finally his expression slips, from cold and neutral to the very slightest of thoughtful frowns. He can at least guess that Lyney's work has never taken him to Inazuma. It's unlikely, then, that he had anything to do with the distribution of Delusions to unsuspecting rebel soldiers. At least there's that.]
I assume your affinity for magic tricks and performance art helps keep the public's attention on you in the spotlight and not on the House's dealings in the shadows. Is that your only role? Or do you get sent on missions in the dark, as well?
no subject
Date: 30 Jul 2024 02:16 (UTC)I... yes. Lynette and I have used our tricks to misdirect others while on missions before. Sometimes I'm the one distracting the crowd while Lynette or Freminet work in the background. Other times, we do our own infiltration work ourselves. And... I also help Father keep track of the other House members, and make sure everyone is taken care of in the House. As well as make sure there's enough supplies, and that no one is overworked...
[He trails, frowning sadly. He tries to meet Heizou's eyes.]
Heizou, I'm sorry... I promise, I didn't mean to hurt you, and it wasn't my intention to misdirect or manipulate you. This... none of this changes how I feel about us... about you...
no subject
Date: 30 Jul 2024 02:50 (UTC)When Lyney does manage to catch Heizou's gaze it's still distant. But there's also a haze of confusion and hurt in there that he's just doing his damnedest not to acknowledge.]
Do you really think of them all as your family? Not just you and Lynette and Freminet, but the other children? Father? Or is that just something you say to garner sympathy?
no subject
Date: 30 Jul 2024 03:19 (UTC)...how dare you even think that.
[He hisses the answer out, hurt and anger in his voice.]
How dare you even pretend to think that! Of course I consider them my family! You think that just because I'm a Fatuus, that means that I don't care about the other children in the House? That none of us care for each other? That we don't know each other's likes and dislikes, that we don't know each other's hopes and fears, or that we don't mourn each other when one of us dies?? After all we've been through, I wouldn't even dream of using my family as if they're nothing more than bargaining chips! We're the only family we all have!!
no subject
Date: 30 Jul 2024 03:39 (UTC)Heizou's eyes fall back to his tea, taking in a deep breath because he suddenly feels like he can't breathe.]
I don't know what to think, Lyney. You promised not to lie to me, and I trusted you. You had your secrets to keep, and I respected that. But I'd at least hoped that when you one day decided to come clean about them, that I'd be the first one you told.
[It hurts. It hurts, but he carefully keeps his voice even. It hurts, but maybe he only has himself to blame for being open and vulnerable with someone.]
no subject
Date: 30 Jul 2024 04:14 (UTC)I... was scared.
[He rubs the side of his neck and looks away.]
I know I should have told you first. I should have gone to you directly, even before Father arrived here. But I... I was so scared. I was scared of what you'd think, about what it would do to us. I was a coward, I'll admit that. I just didn't...
[He hesitates briefly, but shakes his head and continues.]
I just didn't want to lose you...
no subject
Date: 30 Jul 2024 06:41 (UTC)His fingers curl into his palms, just for want of something to hold onto. To ground him.]
...I'd kind of figured it out, you know. Both you and your brother are trained fighters- hardly skills a regular orphanage would be teaching to a magician and a diver. You never mentioned your orphanage by name, which meant it had to be connected to an organization. One big enough for someone even outside of Fontaine to know about. There could only be so many reasons why you'd insist on keeping something a secret. And your careful, rare mentions of Father... Your scars, the injuries you returned with...
[Heizou frowns, shaking his head as he forces his hands to open back up before his fingers can cramp.]
I had it narrowed down to one of two possibilities. At which point I figured I'd just keep waiting. Until you trusted me enough, or felt safe enough, or-- something.
[He pauses for a second, staring at his hands with a sad frown. And when he speaks, his voice is soft. A little scared. Hurting.]
...If the Knave had never shown up here, would you have ever told me?
no subject
Date: 30 Jul 2024 22:35 (UTC)[Lyney actually looks surprised by this fact. That Heizou had been able to piece things together the way he has. Then gain, as he explains his deductions, Lyney has to hand it to Heizou; he's definitely good at what he does. In fact, a part of Lyney feels a sense of pride in seeing Heizou's brilliant mind working as it has been. But it does little to taper the guilt or the feeling of sadness within him.]
[Then Heizou asks the question he had been dreading. It's the same one Alhaitham had asked, but coming from Heizou, it makes his throat tighten.]
I...
[He pauses, looking away. Guilt and shame riddle his expression.]
I wanted to. Believe me, I truly did. I just... wasn't sure how to do so. How I could in a way that wouldn't make you hate me. I had been wracking my brain how to tell everyone in a way that wouldn't be so damning, and wouldn't cause harm to Freminet. I just... hadn't figured out a way before Father arrived...
[The excuse sounds weak even to his own ears. But hopefully Heizou will hear the truth in them.]
no subject
Date: 31 Jul 2024 03:53 (UTC)Of course. Lyney loves his family. They will always come first. There's no room there for Heizou. He's probably hardly even a thought.
Everything in him feels so cold. He doesn't even have the presence of mind to keep his face from revealing how hurt he feels.]
...I see.
[His gaze drops back to his tea, that far off look in his eyes again. After a moment he lets out something that's a bit like a laugh, though the sound is hollow.]
Of course.
[Stupid Heizou. You fell for it again.]
One more question, if I may. When you approached me that night, on the island of dragons... Was there a reason? Did you already know who I was?
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Date: 31 Jul 2024 04:20 (UTC)...no, I didn't know who you were. I just... saw your Vision, and your outfit, and... the way you were looking at the crowd. It drew my curiosity. And then when we got to talking, I... I was just drawn to you.
[It sounds so pathetic now... but it's the truth. Lyney looks down at his own tea, unable to stop the feeling of bile rising in his throat.]
I swear, everything I felt for you... that was real, I promise.
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Date: 31 Jul 2024 04:37 (UTC)But the use of past tense doesn't escape Heizou's notice. How could it?
And what had Lyney felt for him anyway? Surely it can't be the same thing Heizou did...
He has to fight the urge to bite down on his lip and chew on it until it bleeds. Just so that he can feel something that isn't quite so... mind numbing.]
...I- I think I need some time to process this. All of this.
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Date: 31 Jul 2024 05:07 (UTC)[Lyney nods slowly, taking a slow breath.]
...I understand. Please, take as long as you need.
[He figures there's nothing else for him to say. After a moment's hesitation, he slowly stands up, mechanically placing enough coin on the table to pay for both their drinks, plus extra. He adjusts his hat, but doesn't leave immediately, lingering for a moment before looking at Heizou.]
...For what it's worth, I promise that while you're deciding... neither of us will bother you, or bring any harm to you. And no matter what it is you decide... we'll accept your decision.
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Date: 31 Jul 2024 05:20 (UTC)This feels a bit like they're never going to see each other again. It makes the entire world just fall right out from under Heizou's feet. He's falling into an empty abyss, and there's nothing he can grab onto.
He's aching to try to reach out for Lyney's hand. Implore him to stay while he figures himself out. It's so tempting. But he's frozen, hurt and weary and weighed down by the content of this entire conversation. It takes everything in him just to nod in acknowledgement, in understanding of what Lyney says by way of goodbye.]
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Date: 31 Jul 2024 05:35 (UTC)[He takes a shaky breath, and tries to speak through the waver in his voice.]
...I'm sorry for not telling you sooner.
[He hates how final that feels. But what more can he say? How else could he ever salvage this? The back of his throat burns and his eyes water, but he forced himself to look ahead, keep it together as he finally walks away.]
[He can fall apart and let the mask crumble when he finally gets home.]
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