[As soon as Lyney stands, Heizou feels like he's being crushed. His eyes flit to stare at the other teacup on the table, at the money that gets left next to it, not quite feeling ready to look up at Lyney himself. If he's honest with himself, he's kind of scared of what he'll find if he does. But he already misses the sense of security he's gotten so used to feeling in Lyney's presence. The warmth of the magician's gaze on him. The radiant smile that's always been there to greet him.
This feels a bit like they're never going to see each other again. It makes the entire world just fall right out from under Heizou's feet. He's falling into an empty abyss, and there's nothing he can grab onto.
He's aching to try to reach out for Lyney's hand. Implore him to stay while he figures himself out. It's so tempting. But he's frozen, hurt and weary and weighed down by the content of this entire conversation. It takes everything in him just to nod in acknowledgement, in understanding of what Lyney says by way of goodbye.]
[Just as Heizou feels crushed, Lyney feels torn apart. Torn between his loyalty to his family and his desire to be true to Heizou, and the idea that there's a very good chance those two worlds will never harmonize with one another. That no matter what he feels for Heizou, his status as a Fatuus will forever tarnish any chance he may have at something more. And while he wants to be mad at that reality... how could he ever deny his love for his family? Both his family and his feelings for Heizou exist within his heart, and right now it feels like the two halves are breaking apart.]
[He takes a shaky breath, and tries to speak through the waver in his voice.]
...I'm sorry for not telling you sooner.
[He hates how final that feels. But what more can he say? How else could he ever salvage this? The back of his throat burns and his eyes water, but he forced himself to look ahead, keep it together as he finally walks away.]
[He can fall apart and let the mask crumble when he finally gets home.]
[Somehow - somehow - Heizou manages to keep himself upright in his seat as Lyney walks away. His hands are still balled into tight fists while he waits to hear the cafe door close behind the magician... And only then does he let himself release the shaky breath it feels like he's been holding for hours. He even slumps forward on the table a little, carding both hands back through his hair with a soft whimper of frustration.
He ends up sitting there for a good while after, just like that. Head in his hands, just forcing himself to breathe. It's a long time before he finally drags himself to his feet. And numbly moves himself in a direction that is definitely not home.]
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book2thehead
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Date: 31 Jul 2024 05:20 (UTC)This feels a bit like they're never going to see each other again. It makes the entire world just fall right out from under Heizou's feet. He's falling into an empty abyss, and there's nothing he can grab onto.
He's aching to try to reach out for Lyney's hand. Implore him to stay while he figures himself out. It's so tempting. But he's frozen, hurt and weary and weighed down by the content of this entire conversation. It takes everything in him just to nod in acknowledgement, in understanding of what Lyney says by way of goodbye.]
no subject
Date: 31 Jul 2024 05:35 (UTC)[He takes a shaky breath, and tries to speak through the waver in his voice.]
...I'm sorry for not telling you sooner.
[He hates how final that feels. But what more can he say? How else could he ever salvage this? The back of his throat burns and his eyes water, but he forced himself to look ahead, keep it together as he finally walks away.]
[He can fall apart and let the mask crumble when he finally gets home.]
no subject
Date: 31 Jul 2024 05:43 (UTC)He ends up sitting there for a good while after, just like that. Head in his hands, just forcing himself to breathe. It's a long time before he finally drags himself to his feet. And numbly moves himself in a direction that is definitely not home.]